Scraps of Grace

Emily Barbour

There was a time in my life where- without a doubt- “the scale” was the very most important thing in my life. This time, I’m talking about the bathroom scale. The one you step on to make sure you haven’t gone up a few pounds after being so busy you don’t have time to cook again.

Or after a long vacation where you decide to let the diet go.

Either way- you stepped on the scale, and the simple number it read could make or break your day. It could make you feel uplifted or defeated in a matter of seconds.

Maybe your scale is not a bathroom scale, but another kind of scale. Maybe it’s gratification from your boss. Or maybe being wanted by as many boys as possible. Or even having the most friends or people telling you that you have the cutest clothes.

Your scale could even be the measure of the perfect Christian girl, who makes no mistakes and doesn’t have a messy testimony.

If you’re a human being, you have a scale of some sort. You have a way you are looking to be just right and fit in. The issue with these scales is they are ever changing.

What felt like enough last year, doesn’t feel like enough now.

You finally feel confident in one area, and now you’re comparing yourself in another.

You grow, and then you move the standard.

You confess, and wonder if you confessed enough.

Or maybe even you’ve healed- but aren’t sure if you’ve healed the right way.

It’s exhausting.

If you’re like me, you may not be focusing as much on wanting to grow as wanting to be measured well.

You want other people to see you as “skinny” enough. Or “fit enough,” “smart enough” the list is endless.

You want to know you’re good. You want to know you’ve made up for mistakes, you want to know you won’t be disqualified or judged by people.

This changes from growth to fear.

I am learning that as human beings, we will never hit the perfect number on the scale. We must decide for ourselves we are done measuring.

I’ve been studying the book of Psalms in a “Precept Upon Precept” study with Kay Arthur.

I found myself in tears because the Lord had sent me a Psalm that fit directly into where I was in life.

David says “many are saying of me, ‘God will not deliver him.’”

Don’t we all know that feeling?

The quiet feeling that people will look at us based on their own scale and think “God won’t redeem her” “look what she did.” Even “look what has happened to her.”

Aren’t these assumptions a pretty big reason why we try so hard to keep up with these scales in the first place? Because of the quiet fear that people might say these things about us?

But Psalm 3 does not end with this accusation. It says “but you, O Lord, are a shield around me. The one who lifts my head high.”

Not the one who hands me a scorecard.

Not the one who keeps me measuring.

Not the one who asks me to prove I’m worthy of blessings when others may say I’m not.

But. The. One. Who. Lifts. My. Head.

This is the Lord’s invitation to us. To step off the scale. To stop living in a way that makes us feel our worth could ever be calculated in the first place. This invitation isn’t just for anyone, but rather for those who fear the Lord and follow Him.

Shields don’t require us to defend ourselves. A lifted head doesn’t need a scale beneath it. It’s not about becoming better, rather surrounding our lives to the one who makes us better while He protects our hearts.

If you are like me and no longer want to live by ever-changing standards- I pray the Lord will touch your heart as he did mine and remind you your worth was never about performance. This may not be an instant feeling, but I want you to know that all that matters is surrender to him and follow his commands.

Verse: Psalm 147:11-

“The Lord delights in those who fear him,

who put their hope in his steadfast love.”

Worship song: Jireh- Elevation Worship, Maverick City Music